X-Men: Infinity War

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All of the other STUUUUUPID reviews on this movie LITERALLY made me get back on here and start critic-girling your asses. Here is the actual real review. Also, reminder, rotten tomatoes has continued to prove to me that they no longer have the mental capacity to rate movies. So stop looking at their dumb little tomato percentage cause it WILL brainwash you.

Overall Rating: 85%

Best Things: I love how this movie just got everyone SO wrapped up in their precious little feelings. If I see ONE MORE stars update on facebook that reads:

“Just saw Infinity War. Wahhh (crying emoji)

“Infinity War = Depression”

“Man, I cannot believe what I just saw in Infinity War.”

…I will not do anything.

Bad Things: I actually thought the movie was kind of slow? Maybe I was just tired cause I’m growing a future X-Man. Also, Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Sister’s movie boyfriend is NOT hot without all his red, gem head, suit stuff on. YUCK. Can you say NERD ALERT?! Amaraiighhtt

Review and Theory (Spoilers exist): Ok, either a lot of people did not pick up on subtle cues, or I’m just really over analytical and really reaching. BUT, it seemed wayyyyy too easy that Vulptar (Green girl’s dad. I forgot his name) just got all the family jewels so easy. There didn’t seem to be much of a fight to me. I just kept thinking, ok this seems way too easy for him.

Secondly: There are a TON of unanswered questions. Like where the heck was Hulk? Why didn’t he want to come out? There was information we needed, and didn’t get. On purpose; I’m assuming.

Thirdly: DID ANYONE NOTICE DR. CUMBERBATCH’S FACE?! I’m talking about when he just willingly gave up the time stone. If you recall, HE KNEWWWWWWWW what was going to happen. He even said he did! Watch it again and tell me when he said, “It’s the only way,” his face didn’t seem like he had a dark arts trick up his sleeve. Think about it. Spider Man isn’t dead, he is in another movie. DUH. The Black Panther can’t die. He just started a major black pride movement. That would be racist. I forgot who else died. But YEA, you get it. Also, when that cute little green gem was floating to Purple Man’s hand, Dr. Weirdo was looking at it with a look of anticipation. Almost like, “Please work, please work.” This was a story left unfinished and unexplained. So get your garments out of a wad and just stop being so sad.

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Game of Thrones-Dragonstone

Overall score: 45%

Worst parts: Aaaahhhhhh so anti climatic. I waited longer than a YEAR for this! Also, what the hell was Ed Shereen doing in there?! So weird. And he was singing, jut weird X2. I just didn’t get what I needed. Daenerys went home. Who cares. Sam finally became not the most useless person in the world. Who cares. Cersi still sucks. Who cares. John Snow is still the raspy voiced sensible guy. Who cares. Gimme more!!!!!!!

Best parts: **SPOILER**

Arya killing every single Frey there ever was. Heeeeellll yes.

Parental advisory: not for kids under 21

Baby Driver


Overall score: 99.9% + 200% + 7000000%

Best parts: Ok! This movie was AMAZING! The best word to describe Baby Driver is that it is SO smooth. Every single line, sound effect, special effect, and interaction was impeccably placed and well thought out. The entire movie was rhythmic and the mixing of the sound effects with music was pure freaking genius. I just want to cuss I loved it so much.

Worst things: Some idiot fell asleep during the movie(how?! It was so intense!) and started to snore. It was so loud I got distracted and missed a line. I will never get that moment back. Next time you feel like being an a-hole and snore during the best movie of 2017, don’t.

Parental guidance: yea, don’t take your kids. Lots of crime, blood, murder, stealing stuff. There’s no sex though, so there’s that.

All Eyes on Me (a.k.a. The boring Straight out of Compton)

Overall rating: 69% (reminder: all things rated 69% are just, meh)

Best things: Um, I forgot? I just saw this last night! I guess the guy who played 2Pac looked like him…

Ok the story was cool, I didn’t know anything about Tupac before and now I do!

Worst things: The movie wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great. There wasn’t anything super dumb or terrible, I just got kind of bored. EEK, sorry movie!

Parental Guidance: This is rated R for some boobies, lots of people saying fu@& and other “sentence enhancers.” Don’t bring your kids even if they are adults. That would just be plain awkward!!!

Demolition

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Overall Score: 100%

Best part of the movie: The script was genius, Jake was perfect (I want to be on him), the story was so relatable and real, and there were 0 cliches. Pure perfection. A true testament of great writing and originality. Well done.

Worst part of the movie: Isn’t Jake Gyllenhaal supposed to come out of the screen and stroke my hair or something? That didn’t happen, soooo…. Yea. Pretty sucky.

Have you ever gone through life completely disconnected? It’s almost like you want to care about certain things but you just can’t. Jake Gyllenhaal’s subtle acting perfectly embodied what it is to be numb. When you think the story was going to go one way, comic relief saved it from an overused cliche that often ruins movies. See this. NOW NOW NOW!!

Eye in the Sky

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Overall Score: 75 %

Best part of the movie: I don’t particularly enjoy it when movies try too hard to invoke certain emotions, especially with war situations. I thought this movie stayed away from that completely. I showed both sides of the spectrum and let the audience chose what to feel in the situation given.

Worst pert of the movie: Arron Paul’s co-shooter was a little annoying but nothing too terrible.

This was an overall good movie. It shed a lot of light of what it is to be in the military and how complicated is can be. I gave this movie a 75% merely based on the memorable experience. I actually completely forgot the title like 5 times and had to look it up.

10 Cloverfield Ln


Overall Score: 89%

Best part of the movie: Unexpected twist after unexpected twist! I had no idea what to expect, you should go into the movie with the same expectations. Let’s just say the whole thing was a mind (bad word).

Worst part of the move: I probably had anxiety the whole time. That is partially the reason for the 89%. I personally hate that feeling. But, the fact that it gave me anxiety is a good indicator that the movie was well made. Some people criticized the *****SPOILER***** alien dog thing, that it was a bit cliche. I say, aliens can never be too cliche.

You’re going to want to see this 100%