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Overall score: 65%

Good things: I thought this movie was cool. It was a little simple and predictable but overall I loved it. I thought Logan Marshal Green did a super good job at transitioning from a quadriplegic to a bad-ass, fighting machine. I love elements of surprise gore, or just surprise, and this movie had the perrrrfect amount of faces getting cut in half and so on so forth.

Bad things: like I said before, it was simple. But that’s not always a bad thing. I also took a muscle relaxer before I went to the movie so I got really tired. I’m not sure if it was me or the movie but I almost fell asleep. But I didn’t! So maybe the movie was actually super awesome but I was under the influence.

Also: my neighbor is playing really annoying country music, really loudly, so if you never see a review again it’s cause I’m dead and my brains have exploded, and they are all over my living room.

I would like to say thank you to all my readers, I really appreciate all 11 of you. I’m sorry I let you down from death by country music.

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Happy Star Wars Day!

Maythe4th

Star Wars has been part of my life since I was a small child. Here are a few memories attached to star wars.

  1. I was playing with star wars figures from our Darth Vader head and original Millennium Falcon, with my brother, in a diaper. I told him I was going to poop. He said he would tell if I did. Well, I did. I was never allowed to wear a diaper again.
  2. I had just watched Empire Strikes Back for the first time. I was never so convinced I too, had the force. I spent the entire rest of my life trying to move things with my mind.
  3. I was never afraid of heights until the irrational fear of falling into a Sarlocc Pit Monster became very real.
  4. Star Wars Micro-machines
  5. I always wanted Leia and Luke to hook up. I still kind of do.
  6. I always thought I too, was a very special child with a high midichlorian count, and would for sure beat Anakin in a pod race.

X-Men: Infinity War

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All of the other STUUUUUPID reviews on this movie LITERALLY made me get back on here and start critic-girling your asses. Here is the actual real review. Also, reminder, rotten tomatoes has continued to prove to me that they no longer have the mental capacity to rate movies. So stop looking at their dumb little tomato percentage cause it WILL brainwash you.

Overall Rating: 85%

Best Things: I love how this movie just got everyone SO wrapped up in their precious little feelings. If I see ONE MORE stars update on facebook that reads:

“Just saw Infinity War. Wahhh (crying emoji)

“Infinity War = Depression”

“Man, I cannot believe what I just saw in Infinity War.”

…I will not do anything.

Bad Things: I actually thought the movie was kind of slow? Maybe I was just tired cause I’m growing a future X-Man. Also, Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Sister’s movie boyfriend is NOT hot without all his red, gem head, suit stuff on. YUCK. Can you say NERD ALERT?! Amaraiighhtt

Review and Theory (Spoilers exist): Ok, either a lot of people did not pick up on subtle cues, or I’m just really over analytical and really reaching. BUT, it seemed wayyyyy too easy that Vulptar (Green girl’s dad. I forgot his name) just got all the family jewels so easy. There didn’t seem to be much of a fight to me. I just kept thinking, ok this seems way too easy for him.

Secondly: There are a TON of unanswered questions. Like where the heck was Hulk? Why didn’t he want to come out? There was information we needed, and didn’t get. On purpose; I’m assuming.

Thirdly: DID ANYONE NOTICE DR. CUMBERBATCH’S FACE?! I’m talking about when he just willingly gave up the time stone. If you recall, HE KNEWWWWWWWW what was going to happen. He even said he did! Watch it again and tell me when he said, “It’s the only way,” his face didn’t seem like he had a dark arts trick up his sleeve. Think about it. Spider Man isn’t dead, he is in another movie. DUH. The Black Panther can’t die. He just started a major black pride movement. That would be racist. I forgot who else died. But YEA, you get it. Also, when that cute little green gem was floating to Purple Man’s hand, Dr. Weirdo was looking at it with a look of anticipation. Almost like, “Please work, please work.” This was a story left unfinished and unexplained. So get your garments out of a wad and just stop being so sad.

Game of Thrones-Dragonstone

Overall score: 45%

Worst parts: Aaaahhhhhh so anti climatic. I waited longer than a YEAR for this! Also, what the hell was Ed Shereen doing in there?! So weird. And he was singing, jut weird X2. I just didn’t get what I needed. Daenerys went home. Who cares. Sam finally became not the most useless person in the world. Who cares. Cersi still sucks. Who cares. John Snow is still the raspy voiced sensible guy. Who cares. Gimme more!!!!!!!

Best parts: **SPOILER**

Arya killing every single Frey there ever was. Heeeeellll yes.

Parental advisory: not for kids under 21

Who is Rey?


Many have asked for my speculation on who Rey is and theories on her family lineage. I spent a whole 10 minutes contemplating the possibility that she is Luke’s illegitimate child, Ben’s, somehow, grandchild(parents unknown) or a natural phenomenon in the force recreating balance.

Here is my actual theory.

Guys, I just don’t care who she is or where she came from right now. I’m just excited for the dramatic reveal in the movie. One day, all you nerds will get the truth and then you can finally sleep at night. So everyone stop asking me who she is, cause I don’t care and neither should you.

Book of Henry


Overall score: 51%

Best things: Naomi Watts once again plays a frazzled, immature, single mother, and does a pretty good job. 

Worst things: The movie had kind of dumb concept. To make matters worse, the ending made the dumb concept almost pointless because it didn’t matter in the end. It wasn’t a terrible movie but eh. 

Parental advisory: There were a lot of swear words. Child abuse. Plot to murder. Maybe don’t bring your kids. 

It’s SUNDAY!


Guys! I’ve been sitting on my butt all day, painting nails and watching Wayne’s World, and then I thought, man, I sure would like to go to the movies. Don’t you want to go too?! 

Follow my blog, thecriticgirl.com if you’re reading this you’re on it, the FOLLOW IT! Easy! If you follow it, you will be entered to win two movie tickets!! 

SHWING!