Solo: A Star Wars Story

Overall Score: 94%

First of all, why is everyone saying this was a bad movie? Is it cause you want to sound cool? Just let go of your pride and accept that Alden Ehrenreich has a better jaw line than you and that smirk made your heart melt. I seriously reached into my no bias brain for this review and I actually thought it was the perfect addition to the Star Wars Story and was an awesome homage to Han Solo.

Best things: Han Solo has a big personality and a huge presence in Star Wars. Harrison Ford created the perfect character through intense charm, charisma, and mannerisms. Alden had some rather large shoes to fill, and he did amazing. He really captured Han’s pre jaded, bright eyed, and eager self. We were introduced to more of his character development and I think that was just NEATO.

Don’t hate me, but Lando is just a whatever character to me. Has been since I was wee lad. But I kind of like him better after this movie! I thought Donald Glover did awesome!

Also, who saw that part with Darth Maul coming!!!!??? Haha cooooool. If you thought this part was dumb, then YOU’RE dumb!!! Please do your research on Star Wars Rebels, and Darth Maul; the ultimate Sith Lord.

Things I didn’t like: ok, so after learning about some production issues with the movie, the first part didn’t seem to flow as nicely to me (ignorance is bliss). Emilia Clark either went through a drastic character change, we never really knew her at all, or she suddenly went from more of a cockney accent to a proper English accent. I feel like this should have been addressed. Like Han says, “you’ve changed,” and Emilia says, “oh yeah my accent is different because…” I clearly should write scripts.

This was just a cool movie. See it with the same excitement you used to watch Star Wars with and stop picking them apart for crying out loud.

Advertisements

X-Men: Infinity War

Avengers-Infinity-War-SDCC-Banner-cropped.jpg

All of the other STUUUUUPID reviews on this movie LITERALLY made me get back on here and start critic-girling your asses. Here is the actual real review. Also, reminder, rotten tomatoes has continued to prove to me that they no longer have the mental capacity to rate movies. So stop looking at their dumb little tomato percentage cause it WILL brainwash you.

Overall Rating: 85%

Best Things: I love how this movie just got everyone SO wrapped up in their precious little feelings. If I see ONE MORE stars update on facebook that reads:

“Just saw Infinity War. Wahhh (crying emoji)

“Infinity War = Depression”

“Man, I cannot believe what I just saw in Infinity War.”

…I will not do anything.

Bad Things: I actually thought the movie was kind of slow? Maybe I was just tired cause I’m growing a future X-Man. Also, Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Sister’s movie boyfriend is NOT hot without all his red, gem head, suit stuff on. YUCK. Can you say NERD ALERT?! Amaraiighhtt

Review and Theory (Spoilers exist): Ok, either a lot of people did not pick up on subtle cues, or I’m just really over analytical and really reaching. BUT, it seemed wayyyyy too easy that Vulptar (Green girl’s dad. I forgot his name) just got all the family jewels so easy. There didn’t seem to be much of a fight to me. I just kept thinking, ok this seems way too easy for him.

Secondly: There are a TON of unanswered questions. Like where the heck was Hulk? Why didn’t he want to come out? There was information we needed, and didn’t get. On purpose; I’m assuming.

Thirdly: DID ANYONE NOTICE DR. CUMBERBATCH’S FACE?! I’m talking about when he just willingly gave up the time stone. If you recall, HE KNEWWWWWWWW what was going to happen. He even said he did! Watch it again and tell me when he said, “It’s the only way,” his face didn’t seem like he had a dark arts trick up his sleeve. Think about it. Spider Man isn’t dead, he is in another movie. DUH. The Black Panther can’t die. He just started a major black pride movement. That would be racist. I forgot who else died. But YEA, you get it. Also, when that cute little green gem was floating to Purple Man’s hand, Dr. Weirdo was looking at it with a look of anticipation. Almost like, “Please work, please work.” This was a story left unfinished and unexplained. So get your garments out of a wad and just stop being so sad.

Planet of the Apes – War something 


Overall score 71%

Guys, I don’t really feel like doing a best/worst things tid bit. Let’s just say Caesar sure came along way in his speech development! I think the development of the entire saga has been really good but this one wasn’t super exciting. The dues ex machine at the end just seemed a little cheesy for my taste. I’m all for sudden resolutions but this one was a bit much. There was a great “good and evil,” theme that wasn’t too cliche, and the movie was well made, it just didn’t have a ton of energy!

Parental Advisory: There is a lot of violence and strong subject matter!

Daisy’s review: I LOVED IT! Actually, I just liked it. (Daisy is my 6 year old daughter that I force to see movies with me)

Who is Rey?


Many have asked for my speculation on who Rey is and theories on her family lineage. I spent a whole 10 minutes contemplating the possibility that she is Luke’s illegitimate child, Ben’s, somehow, grandchild(parents unknown) or a natural phenomenon in the force recreating balance.

Here is my actual theory.

Guys, I just don’t care who she is or where she came from right now. I’m just excited for the dramatic reveal in the movie. One day, all you nerds will get the truth and then you can finally sleep at night. So everyone stop asking me who she is, cause I don’t care and neither should you.

Allegiant 


Overall score: ok, usually I don’t agree with rotton tomatoes, but I’m going to have to support their solid 9%.

Best part of the movie: All the meant to be serious parts that were actually pretty funny.

Worst part of the movie: All the meant to be serious parts…First off, did they just completely change the entire crew?! Divergent and Insurgent were a bit teen cheese, but not this bad. I still enjoyed them. But this was a heinous crime against film making! Bad camera angles+cliche after cliche+terrible script+horrendous acting=Allegiant.

Sure, go see it; if you’re lonely and desperate for any kind of entertainment. This movie stinks worse than my butthole.

Top 10 Movies of 2015

Well guys, theatrically, it’s been a REALLY cool year. Since nothing really cool happened in life this year, in fact it hasn’t changed in a few years, I decided it would be great to compile a top 10 list for my personal favorite movies in 2015. I was going to do top 5, but then I felt bad leaving some movies out! Enjoy poo heads.

1. 

I was there on the mountain the day I watched this, and it’s an aventure I’ll never forget.

2.  

Nostaligia at its strongest. This was the best Star Wars episode ever made, and captured a story line, emotions, and character developement like I’ve never seen before. I felt the awakening, did you feel it too?

3. 

Staight Outta Compton was full of rich music hisotry that strongly increased my appreciation for what this group did for music, racial awareness, and other social break throughs. I wish I was black

4. 

Artistic, hilarious, shocking, and mentally exhilerating. Quentin Tarantino does it again and exeeds expentations in this movie. The cast and beautiful gore made the movie a peice of art.

5. 

The cinematography in this move was amazing! The energy was constant and exciting.

6. 

Space movies have always been my favorite. The movie sucked me into the journey and I was there with Matt Damon trying to survive!

7. 

Joy is simply inspiring.

8. 
This movie was intense and totally manipulated me in the best way possible. The ending was a total mind effer.
 
9.  

Will Smith made this movie amazing. I was worried it was going to be about football, but luckily it wasn’t. Concussion perfectly captures the passion that one person had for their work and the stupidity of sports.

10. 

What?! A cartoon?! Don’t get your undies in a bunch this movie was more important than you think. Inside Out tenderly explains why it’s important to feel ALL emotions. See it, you’ll see, it’s not just for kids.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

img_3611

Overall Score: 110%

There is much to be said about this movie, but I will refrain considering there is still a large amount of people who still need to see it. First off, they struck a heavy nostalgic chord through the characters which made me feel like its been over 20 years since I said good-bye to certain ships and characters and was reunited with them at last. Episode VI embodied emotions and character development not yet seen in this series; it was perfect. This movie needed to be good. But it was far from good, it was powerful, real, and I want to see it 200 more times. I have not loved a movie this much since The Fellowship of the Ring. Movies are meant to entertain, duh, but when a movie does so much more it makes it go from entertaining to life culture, and this was a perfect extension of Return of the Jedi. JJ Abrams is a true artists who was able to create a world that I believed I was in, that I WANTED to be in. Nonetheless, I recommend this for all audiences young and old to watch this several times.

NEW!

Parental advisory:

There are intense actions scenes that some children may be sensitive to. No strong language. No sensuality. The creatures do look a lot more realistic like in the earlier Episodes which could be disturbing to young children if they are sensitive.